Oh dear. Where has the time gone?
I haven’t meant for it to be so silent on here. I could list all the reason why I haven’t blogged, but then I would sound like one of those annoying priests who spends all her time talking about how busy she is (a temptation to which I confess I have succumbed on Facebook recently).
But the truth is, it has been a busy time. A ridiculously busy time.
And when I accidentally spilled a cup of tea on my MacBook in a rush to get to Evensong on Sunday night, I wept, not so much at the loss of a perfectly good laptop or the money I’d have to spend replacing it, but because 95% of the things on my to do list require a computer at the moment. That is not the kind of ministry to which I feel I have been called. It is not the kind of work I enjoy. Nor is the meetings/admin/management/organisational stuff my strongest skill set. There is Kingdom work being done in all of it; I wouldn’t be doing it otherwise, but I’ve been alarmed at how quickly it has taken over all my time.
So when this becomes the image of priesthood for me (as glorious a thing as a new MacBook Air might be), I know that something has to change.
I hoped February might be quieter. It’s not. I have similar hopes for March, by which point, a couple of projects I’ve been involved in will have (by the grace of God) reached conclusion. But then we are into Lent and then Holy Week. And then Easter. Hardly quiet. Hardly less busy.
So for now, I’m kind of living for April, for my post-Easter break; for a self-catering cottage and a retreat in the highlands; for space and peace to sleep, to pray, to read, to write, to think; for leisurely walks with Judy in a beautiful, isolated place; for long conversations with someone who in recent weeks has become a trusted colleague and good friend.
I hate wishing my life and time away.
But this is what I long for right now. It’s the only way I can think of that will help me regain a sense of balance and perspective.
I hope — I sincerely hope — blogging will return before then. There is so much to say — about equal marriage, about Palestine, about ministry — but first I need time to gather my thoughts and to be responsive rather than simply reactive.